Data Loss

It all starts with being depressed.  I’d get depressed.  Then I’d crack open a beer and dink around on the internet.  Before long, I’d be drunk and picking people on Facebook that I don’t really talk to.  I’d delete them.  I’d always regret it.  Sometimes they’d be mad.  Understandable.  I’ve got a handle on that now.

The nature of my social interactions changed.  I started having an abundance of phone numbers that I never got a response from.  I’m told after two or three unanswered texts, it’d be creepy to continue to attempt contact.  Fair enough.  I have a hard enough time not being creepy.  But what to do with all these numbers? 

For a while, I held on to the hope that I’d hear from some of them.  I hang on when I should let go.  Sometimes it’s the other way around, though.  One day, I get a message saying to forget, the way Church “forgets” Tex.  Were it ever so easy.

Some time later, I was at work.  My sense of humor has gone a bit dark, and I was best described as savagely cheerful.  Work was slow so I invented a game.  I would choose ten of these numbers I never used.  I sent each one the message, “I forget you.”  I would then delete the numbers and any saved message threads.   If I got any replies, I would try to figure out who I was talking to without asking.  If I could figure it out, that number went back into my phone.

It’s the perfect game.  It allows me to initiate contact without psyching myself out over whether the conversation is dumb.  I seriously have stopped calling people because it had been too long and I don’t know how to strike up a conversation with them anymore.   It clears out my phone of people who didn’t save me either.  It forces me to let go of shit that is best left in the past anyway. 

There is only one part of my little game that I don’t like.  So far, there have been no winners.

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