Posts Tagged ‘ spirituality ’

The Cat

I was told once that I was like a stray cat.  The comparison goes that I could be coaxed up onto the porch occasionally and you could feed me and pet me and we’d generally get along, but eventually I’d wander off again.  I’d be back, but no one knew when.  My motivations for such were never clear, even to me.  Fear of attachment.  Fear of intimacy.  Or maybe I just didn’t care.

I was recognized as a Knight of the Society for Creative Anachronism recently.  Pretty amazing.  It came with something unexpected though – I am now called brother by what is essentially my group of heroes, but the woman who called me the stray cat basically broke up with me.  It echoed the sentiment that I am my own man now, and that I should act like it.

I had gotten used to tethers and attachments.  I still have them.  I am bound by blood to my son.  I am bound by oath to my King and Queen.  I am bound by oath to uphold the ideals that a knight once symbolized.  I display my oath by my belt and chain among the SCA folk and by the ink in my flesh at all times.  Whatever happens and wherever I am, those things will be true.

Maybe I was always destined to be a Knight Errant.  My trinity of ironclad responsibilities aside, I will tend to stray from the porch.  During my Vigil, I received words of great wisdom.  I consider it all of equal import, but the relevant one is this:  I was on a path and I walked it to its conclusion.  The path ends in the woods.  There is no going back, and what lies ahead depends entirely on me.  I am not sure I could ever see a path though.  I am starting to believe that I’ve always wandered the woods and that I would occasionally choose to walk next to people who do see paths.

OR – I could just be batshit crazy.  Either way, cutting some tethers and striking out into the woods again.